So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
