forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i barfeds in our rink
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
