You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
