drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
