smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
