The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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