Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
