Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize