Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
