I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize