If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
