How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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