I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
