her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
