I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
