So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
