if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
