Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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