He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
