you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
