that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
