some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
