Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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