the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
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Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.