U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.