What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.