Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
