Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
