Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
