i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
