is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
