So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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