the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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