he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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