Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we made out on top of his cat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
