his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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