i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Buhtt sex?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
