Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
