We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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