Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Randomize
