you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
