Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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