well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
