I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
