omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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