bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
