Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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