I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
