...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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