Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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