he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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