nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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