It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
