got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
