You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
