ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
