He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
