He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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