hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
