he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
