You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
