New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
