Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
