the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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