I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
