Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
