My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
