happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
