I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
