man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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