I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
