She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
