I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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