she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
