Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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