did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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