thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
